Inflate or Not? A Reflection on Jewish Pride, Fear, and Belonging

Editor’s note: This reflection was written on Sunday, December 8, following news of the antisemitic terror attack in Bondi, Australia.

I rarely post thoughts on current events, but ever since October 7th things have not been the same in my world, and this weekend really got to me.

Last year, after many years of the kids begging for an inflatable, we relented and got one. We had our Hanukkah joy out and proud on display for all to see, joining in that merriment of the broader holiday season.

We finally got everything out on Saturday and decorated. On Sunday morning, Evan came to me. He’d read the news about Australia. He told me that he doesn’t want us to inflate our Hanukkah bear. He said it could cause our house to be a target.

Sadly, this IS the world that we live in as Jews. Recently students at a local high school created a human swastika on their school’s football field, took pictures of it and posted it to social media with a quote from Adolf Hitler.

I am realizing that I am/was naive. I truly thought that the Holocaust, (in which 6 million Jews died), would be the most horrific thing to happen to Jews in modern times. I didn’t realize the extent to which antisemitism exists today. I grew up as a fairly secular Jew in LA, specifically the San Fernando Valley, more specifically Woodland Hills. I say this because in Woodland Hills at least half (if not more) of my friends, neighbors, teachers, classmates were also Jewish. It wasn’t until my first year at UCSD that I realized that while I look like the majority, my Jewish identity does indeed make me other, a small fraction of the world’s population. It wasn’t that I faced antisemitism, but it was that I was among the few. It’s the little things - assuming you’re celebrating Christmas when you go home for winter break, lovely new friends telling you that you’re their first Jewish friend. Again I didn’t experience antisemitism, but for the first time I felt the 0.2%

Fast forward to realizing I belonged in the classroom as a teacher after working in the corporate world for several years. I realized that it was time to enroll in a credential program, and my sister told me about an opportunity at the Jewish Day school that she was working at for an assistant teacher position. Fast-forward 21 years and I am still there today. I didn’t realize that I needed and wanted a Jewish community, and I found that at my school. I went to public school my whole life and figured I’d work in one, and of course send my children to one. I am so grateful that Hausner came in to my life, and that of my family. It’s a place we can feel safe to be who we are, to grow in our Jewish identities, and to go out into the world stronger and better informed about our amazing history.

I’m still not a very religious person, but I am and will continue to be a proud Jew. Right now, I’m a bit scared, worried and mostly saddened by the hate that is out there in the world.

So back to the initial prompt, what to do - inflate or not? I ask this question not because I am seeking advice, but to understand what is it going on in our heads, what we as Jews are grappling with. I want to inflate the bear and show the world that we are standing proud as a Jewish family. But for that night, I kept it down. I respected Evan’s wishes, and I was sad that he’s not wrong, that there are people out there who would want to target us just because we’re Jewish.